The Slow Worm

I am not a big fan of snakes, largely due to a childhood incident involving surprising a snake whilst running away from an armed sibling.  Suffice to say that the scene from Indiana Jones and Raiders of the lost Ark springs to mind when he falls into that pit of snakes.....

Our garden is full of slow-worms which has presented rather a problem for me over the last few months as inevitably I have to deal with them during weeding chores.  Therefore my time in the garden is punctuated with my regular shrieks of horror when encountering what my mind views as mini-snakes.  

Now I know that they are totally harmless but firstly this:

• They are not slow
• They vary in length and size
• They have tongues likes snakes….Nuff said

Earlier this week, whilst walking the children down the drive to the school, we noticed a scraggy cat pawing and dancing around on the pavement.  Yep….pestering a particularly large slow-worm which in its defence, had wriggled off the pavement and was making its way onto the road.

I don’t really know what came over me but the horror of knowing the poor thing would be fatally imprinted with a tyre tread and in so doing, the memories of my children, I knew I had to take immediate action.

With the sound of cars approaching the school (and slow worm) I made my hasty decision to pick up the “slow-worm” and gently fling him into the safety of our garden whilst chanting internally with a frenzied “***k”,  “***k” and  “aaaagggggghhhhhhhhhh!”

I was instantly rewarded with “Well Done Mummy – that was a big one!”

So too was my near cardiac arrest whilst experiencing the sensation of its cool, coiling body around my fingers……eeeuuuggghhh!!!!!

Shriek in the Country

This is short and somewhat embarrassing blog entry and I have debated with myself about whether to post this....but here goes.

I felt the need to go out and have a little jog tonight after having just "one of those days" and despite the light, misty rain, rather enjoyed huffing and puffing my way up towards the Darren, above Crickhowell.

Anyway, I have to carry an Epi-pen as suffered a severe anaphylaxis years ago following a wasp sting.
 Before leaving the house, I had failed to find my bum-bag and instead wedged the Epi-pen down between the waist-line of my lycra leggings. (Lycra never a good look at the best of times....and certainly was not today).

After about 30 mins of damp exertion, and consistent re-arranging of the said Epi-pen, I then took the bold measure of using my knicker elastic to try and create more tension which turned out to be a very pleasing result, as I could then run back towards Crickhowell, without having to keep one hand on my hip to stop the Epi-pen from slipping down my legs.

As I approached the last field, my trainers squeaking with squelchy wet grass, I suddenly felt a cold, solid yet soft sensation gradually slipping down my right leg and let out and involuntary shriek as I thought it felt like someone hidden in the hedge had suddenly felt the need to reach out and grab my leg.  (A lot of people do enjoy hanging around in hedges for this very purpose).

After gingerly tapping my leg and feeling brave enough to extract the foreign object trapped above my knee....I discovered the source of my initial panic.  

A very soft and soggy pantyliner.

Toothbrush Horror

I have to report on this incident as I am curious to find out whether people find the following use of “shared toothbrush” acceptable.

Picture the scene,

The nearest and dearest and myself are getting ready for bed following a nauseating compulsion to watch yet another series of The Apprentice.

I walk into the bathroom to find my husband using my toothbrush despite the fact that he has one of his own.  My instant thoughts:

·         My brush is clean as I believe in rinsing after use…..his has a gradual build up (like wax) of dried white toothpaste spittle which is working its way like bind weed down his brush.

·        Why is he using mine which is bright orange and deliberately so, to remind him that it does not belong to him?

·         How many times has this happened before and if so have I doubled the amount of bacteria in my mouth by unknowingly brushing my pearly whites with my brush after he has used it?

My gag reflex then started and I had to resort to immediate measures:

• I had no spare brush in the cupboard so was forced to open up #3's brand new  Peppa Pig “George” brush in order to clean my teeth.
• I can no longer leave my brush in the communal area - EVER.
• I CANNOT possibly think of ever using my old brush again because despite the fact that as husband and wife, we have shared many things, the thought of sharing of personal tooth debris...oops – have gagged again.....from using a shared brush is completely unacceptable for me...in fact, I would go as far to say that its akin to sharing snot. 

Out of interest – who is comfortable with the sharing of toothbrushes – known or otherwise?

Spring/Summer has arrived!!

Sorry folks for not posting anything during April, but a combination of frostbite on my fingers and sheer depression on the weather front all assisted in my being a lazy slouch all cuddled up on the sofa.

Actually, I have started running (ahem....gentle jogging again) and have also been doing the Davina Buff DVD in an attempt to shift a major muffin top which has been steadily developing over the last month in front of the said TV.

Yesterday we took the family up the Skirrid Mountain on one of the most beautiful sunny days we have yet had this year.  It really was stunning and being a National Trust woodland (which I was totally unaware of) the paths were well kept.  The overall walk was about 3 miles from start to finish, totally uplifting and one that made me proud to be a local resident.

Prior to our exertions upwards, we stopped at Hannah's on the Hill which is a great cosy home cafe which is located just up the road from the Skirrid mountain car park.   The cafe serves a great array of home-made cakes, biscuits, meringues and cupcakes (the Chocolate Tiffin is to die for!) along with excellent coffee all from the cosy confines of their kitchen.
Both Hannah and Pete really did make all of their garden guests very welcome and they even provide picnic blankets for weary walkers to sit down upon and enjoy the views and serenity of the area.

Heartily recommended - just find on Facebook for more details.

Spring my Arse........

I am so fed up with this arctic weather that I cannot sit and write about it without taking my gloves off.

I mean, the clocks are going forward this weekend and worse, how on earth am I supposed to hide the Easter Bunnies eggs in the garden when it is covered with snow?

Three Pens and a Table

Crickhowell Walking Festival is on from the 1st - 10th March 2013 and bring a local, I felt it my duty to sign up to at least one reasonably long walk this year.

Due to the inconvenience of having to work full-time, I could only rely on weekend walks so decided to choose Walk 12 - Three Pens and a Table on Sunday 3rd March.

Saturday 2nd March was finally looking like Spring had arrived - the sky was blue, the sun came out and one even felt a tinge of warmth on the face whilst being out and about......not so for Sunday 3rd.

The walk was sponsored by Mirandas Preserves which I must say, do a fantastic Raspberry jam.

In true local fashion,we left it right until the last minute, to leave behind 3 children for my fab sister #2 to look after and were embarrassingly the last to arrive at The Old Chapel, Gwyne Fechan but still had time to knock back a swift cup of tea and chocolate biscuit before heading off with the rest of the professionally equipped group of walkers (some of which had travelled quite a distance to enjoy the Welsh hills for the day).

I at least, had a walking shoes on and a decent coat but I could visibly see glances of disdain for my husbands jeans and shoes (In his defence - they are Gore-tex and have been down the Grand Canyon)

Thankfully I had packed two pairs of gloves because as we all ventured up into the Black Mountains, the wind picked up, the cloud came down and each of us, as we hit the top, were buffeted by a "bracing" gale and felt like cold needles being stabbed repeatedly into our faces.  Down came the hoods, the heads and off we all trudged - the leader, John, was quite keen that we kept moving quickly as conditions were pretty hypothermic.  The experienced members of the group agreed that the wind chill factor was at least -15 to -20!

The strange thing is, that despite me continually feeling like I would be the next Sir Ranulph Fiennes (I suffer from Raynaud's Phenomenon), I thoroughly enjoyed the intense buffeting which lasted for about 2 hours or so of the 12 mile hike.

I plan to post up the technical details of the walk from the nearest and dearest which he recorded on his mobile but check out Crickhowell Walking Festival for details of all the other walks that take place.

Typically - today was back to work and what happens....Spring tried to arrive again with sunshine - no two days in Wales are ever the same!

Call from the Police....

Picture the scene......

A kitchen that looks like a man has been in it for a few hours (oh sorry- this is true), three children doing their   own thing on Saturday morning without Mummy reminding them about homework, reading and brushing their teeth, leaving the Sudocrem alone etc ............ and a lone white telephone on the kitchen table.

(In case you wonder, I was running around an astro-pitch at Glamorgan University Sports Ground and had left the house early and proceeded through permafrost towards Treforest to play hockey).

Imagine the same phone ringing later that morning and my nearest/dearest answering it with his usual cheery "Good Morning! although he may have had to hunt for the phone amongst the bloated cheerios, toast crumbs and Marmite, but needless to say - it was answered.

The conversation apparently went a bit like this.....

• Nearest/Dearest - "Good Morning!"
• Policeman (Cool Tone)- "Good Morning - we have received a 999 Distress call from this number."
• Nearest/Dearest - (Pause with likely thought of "Oh F***) -         Oh.......?
• Policeman (Still Cool)  - "Yes - can you confirm that you do not require this service Sir?
• Nearest/Dearest - "No, sorry, we have no emergency at this number, it must have been my daughter.  Sorry"
• Policeman - "OK, I need to confirm your Name and Address"
• Nearest/Dearest confirmed details, apologised again and the conversation ended.

When I found out, I immediately asked whether we were going to be fined but it would appear that on this occasion (our first ever and last hopefully) we have escaped what appears to be legitimate fine.

You will be pleased to hear that the phone is being relocated immediately to ensure no further calls can be made to jeopardise those who really need it.