Beetroot & Ginger Chutney

Here is my first attempt at making chutney......should find out in 6-8 weeks if it tastes any good!

Tales from Taiwan - 3

I never thought that I would KFC seems appealing by comparison...

The Hidden Claw

I had a random meal on Saturday (which I'll tell you all about when I speak to you) but it involved me accidentally eating a chicken foot (a delicacy here).  One of the foulest things ever and absolutely nothing redeemable about it from what I can gather.  You're probably wondering how I didn't realise it was a chicken foot but it had basically been boiled to the point where it had lost all skin pigmentation and was presented in such a way that from a distance (which I was sat from it) it looked like squid, nestled in some shredded bamboo.  

I was nestled between a Chinese lady who was keen to practice her English with me so in the midst of answering her questions, foolishly allowed my chopsticks to lift whatever was in the nearest bowl and send on autopilot to my mouth….. BIG MISTAKE! 

On entering my mouth I soon realised I was eating rubbery flesh, and on extracting it from my mouth saw all the cartilage etc.  I almost vommed there and then! 

God I feel queasy now even thinking about it.  I can't even say the seasoning was good - it was just plain awful!

Tales from Taiwan - 2

This one is one that made me laugh out loud, especially when one has to remember that my youngest sibling is not overweight in any way and in fact is a classic size 10/12 in the UK.

The Changing Room

Today ladies, I made the serious error of clothes shopping (never a good

idea when you're on your period let's be honest, but in my case it was a

necessity).

Cut to me unsuccessfully trying on a variety of clothes (all in XL, XXL

of course) while sweating profusely in a tiny little changing area.

What happened next can only be described as a particularly low point for

me in my lifetime shopping experiences to date.  I could hear two

Taiwanese girls nearby giggling away.  I looked up, and lo and behold

they were pointing and giggling at me (a common occurrence of which I am

getting used to).  Then one of them whilst beaming at me so, so sweetly

and politely proceeded to meekly walk up to me, tickle my tummy, giggle

and exclaim "Ahhhhhh, you so fat!!!!!"

As I said, a low point of my shopping experience I feel!

As she wandered back to her friend, giggling and still smiling at me. I

politely nodded, returned the big beaming smile and muttered a line of

profanities through gritted, smiling teeth.  Small victories ladies,

small victories.  The little bugger caught me at my most vulnerable -

bent over in my big period pants, with my chub hanging out over the

elastic.  I never stood a chance.  I just didn't see it coming!!

Suffice to say, I strode out of the changing room proudly with my XXL

items, head held high and in defiance started rifling through the S/M

items!

Unsurprisingly my shopping trip proved fruitless and I took my fat body

home.

Tales from Taiwan

Shoot me down I know.....a despicable amount of time has lapsed since I last put my finger pad to the keyboard although a lot has happened since my last post.

Mainly the on-set of summer holidays which included a trip to France  which was delayed due to noticing that #2's passport had expired the night before we were due to leave....agggghhhhhh.

Anyway, the summer was for once, a reminder of what it could be like to live in Britain during the summer when that yellow circular shape in the sky pokes through....bloody wonderful!

Now I am going to cheat for a few forthcoming posts as my youngest sibling is currently teaching English in Taiwan and during the daily battle with humidity and struggling to manage her new Diana Ross bouffant whilst also controlling a multitude of children who are learning English as their second language.......her excursion trails around Taipei are rather amusing and I feel I should share them with you....

Tale One - The Unknown Dish

The soup story basically entails me quietly eating dinner on my tod

in a veggie restaurant when this sweet lil ole lady comes over to me

offering a bowl of soup with an excited look on her face.  In broken

English with an adorable friendly smile on her face she insisted " You

try.  Very good for you.   Very good for eyes.  You eat".   'Oh bless

her' I thought as she handed me the bowl.  What happened next can only

be described as the scene from out of Indiana Jones Temple of Doom,

where the villagers give them food and Willie doesn't want to eat it.

I took one mouthful of this soup and literally it was all I could do not

to gag.  I have absolutely no idea what was in this soup but the smell

is akin to the pools of rank, fetid water that gather around porta loos

at festivals.  I'm almost retching at the thought as the memory comes

back to me.  To make matters worse, the rest of the restaurant had by

this point gathered around with expectant faces eager to see what I

thought of this revered soup.  Every fibre in my body wanted to balk but

in true British style and wanting to be polite, I winced and swallowed,

forcing out an occasional "Mmmm" while tears slowly rolled down my

cheeks, and I wept for my tastebuds.  Honestly, if this stuff improves

eyesight I'd rather be blind!!!

The Slow Worm

I am not a big fan of snakes, largely due to a childhood incident involving surprising a snake whilst running away from an armed sibling.  Suffice to say that the scene from Indiana Jones and Raiders of the lost Ark springs to mind when he falls into that pit of snakes.....

Our garden is full of slow-worms which has presented rather a problem for me over the last few months as inevitably I have to deal with them during weeding chores.  Therefore my time in the garden is punctuated with my regular shrieks of horror when encountering what my mind views as mini-snakes.  

Now I know that they are totally harmless but firstly this:

• They are not slow
• They vary in length and size
• They have tongues likes snakes….Nuff said

Earlier this week, whilst walking the children down the drive to the school, we noticed a scraggy cat pawing and dancing around on the pavement.  Yep….pestering a particularly large slow-worm which in its defence, had wriggled off the pavement and was making its way onto the road.

I don’t really know what came over me but the horror of knowing the poor thing would be fatally imprinted with a tyre tread and in so doing, the memories of my children, I knew I had to take immediate action.

With the sound of cars approaching the school (and slow worm) I made my hasty decision to pick up the “slow-worm” and gently fling him into the safety of our garden whilst chanting internally with a frenzied “***k”,  “***k” and  “aaaagggggghhhhhhhhhh!”

I was instantly rewarded with “Well Done Mummy – that was a big one!”

So too was my near cardiac arrest whilst experiencing the sensation of its cool, coiling body around my fingers……eeeuuuggghhh!!!!!

Shriek in the Country

This is short and somewhat embarrassing blog entry and I have debated with myself about whether to post this....but here goes.

I felt the need to go out and have a little jog tonight after having just "one of those days" and despite the light, misty rain, rather enjoyed huffing and puffing my way up towards the Darren, above Crickhowell.

Anyway, I have to carry an Epi-pen as suffered a severe anaphylaxis years ago following a wasp sting.
 Before leaving the house, I had failed to find my bum-bag and instead wedged the Epi-pen down between the waist-line of my lycra leggings. (Lycra never a good look at the best of times....and certainly was not today).

After about 30 mins of damp exertion, and consistent re-arranging of the said Epi-pen, I then took the bold measure of using my knicker elastic to try and create more tension which turned out to be a very pleasing result, as I could then run back towards Crickhowell, without having to keep one hand on my hip to stop the Epi-pen from slipping down my legs.

As I approached the last field, my trainers squeaking with squelchy wet grass, I suddenly felt a cold, solid yet soft sensation gradually slipping down my right leg and let out and involuntary shriek as I thought it felt like someone hidden in the hedge had suddenly felt the need to reach out and grab my leg.  (A lot of people do enjoy hanging around in hedges for this very purpose).

After gingerly tapping my leg and feeling brave enough to extract the foreign object trapped above my knee....I discovered the source of my initial panic.  

A very soft and soggy pantyliner.

Toothbrush Horror

I have to report on this incident as I am curious to find out whether people find the following use of “shared toothbrush” acceptable.

Picture the scene,

The nearest and dearest and myself are getting ready for bed following a nauseating compulsion to watch yet another series of The Apprentice.

I walk into the bathroom to find my husband using my toothbrush despite the fact that he has one of his own.  My instant thoughts:

·         My brush is clean as I believe in rinsing after use…..his has a gradual build up (like wax) of dried white toothpaste spittle which is working its way like bind weed down his brush.

·        Why is he using mine which is bright orange and deliberately so, to remind him that it does not belong to him?

·         How many times has this happened before and if so have I doubled the amount of bacteria in my mouth by unknowingly brushing my pearly whites with my brush after he has used it?

My gag reflex then started and I had to resort to immediate measures:

• I had no spare brush in the cupboard so was forced to open up #3's brand new  Peppa Pig “George” brush in order to clean my teeth.
• I can no longer leave my brush in the communal area - EVER.
• I CANNOT possibly think of ever using my old brush again because despite the fact that as husband and wife, we have shared many things, the thought of sharing of personal tooth debris...oops – have gagged again.....from using a shared brush is completely unacceptable for me...in fact, I would go as far to say that its akin to sharing snot. 

Out of interest – who is comfortable with the sharing of toothbrushes – known or otherwise?