Totally Locally - Crickhowell

Again, I find myself apologising for the total lack of updates on my blog....been rather busy!
My excuses......

• Started a new job in November
• Christmas
• Post Christmas
• Totally busy with lots of of local community bits and bobs, one of the best being the one below.

I have to share the following link as like everyone who is in it, I LOVE being a part of this fabulous place to live.

And the Bafta award on the link below has to go to Mr Webb for bouncing on his lovely sofas......

Enjoy!!

Totally Locally Crickhowell

Explicit lyrics.....WARNING TO ALL PARENTS!

This is one of my worst confessions as a parent to date.

We recently took a few days away to Burry Port and in order to limit the usual "falling out" incidents during the journey to our destination, we have discovered the benefit of giving our old mobile phones as new personal music players for #1 & #2.

This serves a few purposes:

1. Both are engrossed in their music rather than annoying each other.
2. They can sing along (just like there is no one listening) whilst we snigger at the odd duff note.
3. We can listen to #3 discuss the importance of having her dummy because being in the car on a journey naturally means it is time for a sleep.

Anyway, whilst cruising past Hirwaun.....(we did not stop), we heard #2 singing along to "Right About Now" by Fat Boy Slim.........she was repeating "Funk Soul Brother" in tune and with much determination.   

I quickly asked the "nearest and dearest" whether he had selected tracks for her playlist or had the whole albums transferred across from the PC hard-drive to her phone? to which he assured me that only select tracks had been selected.   Phew I thought.......

As we passed Llanelli and neared our destination, I heard a little snigger and glanced back in the rear view mirror so see #2 nodding her head to a beat, then removing the headphones and saying to #1, "listen to this".

Beetroot & Ginger Chutney

Here is my first attempt at making chutney......should find out in 6-8 weeks if it tastes any good!

Tales from Taiwan - 3

I never thought that I would KFC seems appealing by comparison...

The Hidden Claw

I had a random meal on Saturday (which I'll tell you all about when I speak to you) but it involved me accidentally eating a chicken foot (a delicacy here).  One of the foulest things ever and absolutely nothing redeemable about it from what I can gather.  You're probably wondering how I didn't realise it was a chicken foot but it had basically been boiled to the point where it had lost all skin pigmentation and was presented in such a way that from a distance (which I was sat from it) it looked like squid, nestled in some shredded bamboo.  

I was nestled between a Chinese lady who was keen to practice her English with me so in the midst of answering her questions, foolishly allowed my chopsticks to lift whatever was in the nearest bowl and send on autopilot to my mouth….. BIG MISTAKE! 

On entering my mouth I soon realised I was eating rubbery flesh, and on extracting it from my mouth saw all the cartilage etc.  I almost vommed there and then! 

God I feel queasy now even thinking about it.  I can't even say the seasoning was good - it was just plain awful!

Tales from Taiwan - 2

This one is one that made me laugh out loud, especially when one has to remember that my youngest sibling is not overweight in any way and in fact is a classic size 10/12 in the UK.

The Changing Room

Today ladies, I made the serious error of clothes shopping (never a good

idea when you're on your period let's be honest, but in my case it was a

necessity).

Cut to me unsuccessfully trying on a variety of clothes (all in XL, XXL

of course) while sweating profusely in a tiny little changing area.

What happened next can only be described as a particularly low point for

me in my lifetime shopping experiences to date.  I could hear two

Taiwanese girls nearby giggling away.  I looked up, and lo and behold

they were pointing and giggling at me (a common occurrence of which I am

getting used to).  Then one of them whilst beaming at me so, so sweetly

and politely proceeded to meekly walk up to me, tickle my tummy, giggle

and exclaim "Ahhhhhh, you so fat!!!!!"

As I said, a low point of my shopping experience I feel!

As she wandered back to her friend, giggling and still smiling at me. I

politely nodded, returned the big beaming smile and muttered a line of

profanities through gritted, smiling teeth.  Small victories ladies,

small victories.  The little bugger caught me at my most vulnerable -

bent over in my big period pants, with my chub hanging out over the

elastic.  I never stood a chance.  I just didn't see it coming!!

Suffice to say, I strode out of the changing room proudly with my XXL

items, head held high and in defiance started rifling through the S/M

items!

Unsurprisingly my shopping trip proved fruitless and I took my fat body

home.

Tales from Taiwan

Shoot me down I know.....a despicable amount of time has lapsed since I last put my finger pad to the keyboard although a lot has happened since my last post.

Mainly the on-set of summer holidays which included a trip to France  which was delayed due to noticing that #2's passport had expired the night before we were due to leave....agggghhhhhh.

Anyway, the summer was for once, a reminder of what it could be like to live in Britain during the summer when that yellow circular shape in the sky pokes through....bloody wonderful!

Now I am going to cheat for a few forthcoming posts as my youngest sibling is currently teaching English in Taiwan and during the daily battle with humidity and struggling to manage her new Diana Ross bouffant whilst also controlling a multitude of children who are learning English as their second language.......her excursion trails around Taipei are rather amusing and I feel I should share them with you....

Tale One - The Unknown Dish

The soup story basically entails me quietly eating dinner on my tod

in a veggie restaurant when this sweet lil ole lady comes over to me

offering a bowl of soup with an excited look on her face.  In broken

English with an adorable friendly smile on her face she insisted " You

try.  Very good for you.   Very good for eyes.  You eat".   'Oh bless

her' I thought as she handed me the bowl.  What happened next can only

be described as the scene from out of Indiana Jones Temple of Doom,

where the villagers give them food and Willie doesn't want to eat it.

I took one mouthful of this soup and literally it was all I could do not

to gag.  I have absolutely no idea what was in this soup but the smell

is akin to the pools of rank, fetid water that gather around porta loos

at festivals.  I'm almost retching at the thought as the memory comes

back to me.  To make matters worse, the rest of the restaurant had by

this point gathered around with expectant faces eager to see what I

thought of this revered soup.  Every fibre in my body wanted to balk but

in true British style and wanting to be polite, I winced and swallowed,

forcing out an occasional "Mmmm" while tears slowly rolled down my

cheeks, and I wept for my tastebuds.  Honestly, if this stuff improves

eyesight I'd rather be blind!!!

The Slow Worm

I am not a big fan of snakes, largely due to a childhood incident involving surprising a snake whilst running away from an armed sibling.  Suffice to say that the scene from Indiana Jones and Raiders of the lost Ark springs to mind when he falls into that pit of snakes.....

Our garden is full of slow-worms which has presented rather a problem for me over the last few months as inevitably I have to deal with them during weeding chores.  Therefore my time in the garden is punctuated with my regular shrieks of horror when encountering what my mind views as mini-snakes.  

Now I know that they are totally harmless but firstly this:

• They are not slow
• They vary in length and size
• They have tongues likes snakes….Nuff said

Earlier this week, whilst walking the children down the drive to the school, we noticed a scraggy cat pawing and dancing around on the pavement.  Yep….pestering a particularly large slow-worm which in its defence, had wriggled off the pavement and was making its way onto the road.

I don’t really know what came over me but the horror of knowing the poor thing would be fatally imprinted with a tyre tread and in so doing, the memories of my children, I knew I had to take immediate action.

With the sound of cars approaching the school (and slow worm) I made my hasty decision to pick up the “slow-worm” and gently fling him into the safety of our garden whilst chanting internally with a frenzied “***k”,  “***k” and  “aaaagggggghhhhhhhhhh!”

I was instantly rewarded with “Well Done Mummy – that was a big one!”

So too was my near cardiac arrest whilst experiencing the sensation of its cool, coiling body around my fingers……eeeuuuggghhh!!!!!