The Baby question......

We recently spent a night at my sisters which allowed both the nearest/dearest and myself to savour a night out enjoying the Christmas disco favourites this year......namely GangNam Style, the Macerna, Oops Upside Your Head and to end.....Fairytale in New York and New York New York.

With a slightly tender head and stomach the next day, we did not really interrogate my sister on their evening in but were informed that all the children behaved well and thoroughly enjoyed watching the Fusion night of Strictly Come Dancing.

When I returned to work, I opened my emails to discover that my sister had sent me a snippet of a conversation that had taken place between #1 (Who is 7) and herself on the Sunday morning.
(To set the scene...her partner is currently serving in the Royal Air Force)

#1:                 Aunty G, do you think you’ll have a baby one day?

Aunty G:        Yes I’m sure I will #1

#1:                 I guess it hasn't happened because Uncle A is away all of the time.

Aunty G:        Umm........ yes #1

#1:                 Maybe you can have a baby in your tummy when Uncle A comes back!!!

The Woman in Black

We recently received our latest offering from LoveFilm and I was disappointed to see that the nearest and dearest had selected The Woman in Black which had clearly been meticulously timed to arrive for the Halloween celebrations.  Between the mania of half-term and an over abundance of bumph mail, we totally forgot about the DVD and only managed to sift it out of the postal pile and sit and watch it this weekend.

The film is only rated 12A so clearly I had nothing to be concerned about as I am not a fan of viewing various tones of grey and black set against ominous minor tones, but I knew from the first 5 seconds of the film that this was not going to be anything like Harry Potter and I would have to put a brave face on and try not to “poop” myself.

This film is certainly not a 12A in my opinion and anybody who feels that their youngster would be ok watching the film must be living in a different world to me.  True, there is no violence in the film, no swearing and no showing of the dreaded “flesh” but dear God…..the gothic imagery of the “toys” was akin to watching Chucky and on times I felt it was more like watching a Victorian episode of 28 Days Later with all the pale dead children floating around the place.

The weird thing is that whilst I have no intention of ever wishing to watch the film again, it was the first time in ages that my body literally came alive due to the hairs on my nape going vertical with fear.

If you enjoy the slow burn of terror and are not bothered about ghosts, shadows, mist and going to bed on your own without a dog in the house – this might well be worth a watch.

OMG - The idiocy.......

Sorry about lack of recent blogs for those who occasionally wander onto my site.

Here is a quick recount of what I saw during my lunch break yesterday.  I have bullet pointed for added effect....if any......

• In car, just passing Bryn Bach park – piddling down rain
• See approaching car coming up the road, at speed, veering towards my carriage way
• Then note that the car is being used by a cyclist as a towing mechanism
• Cannot believe eyes and pull over further to my left
• Pass the car and then see it start to swerve
• Look back in my rear mirror and see the bike and its brain dead occupant bouncing up the road
• Towing car carries on
• See un-mounted cyclist limping back to collect mangled bike from other side of road
• Eddie Stobart lorry then coming towards him……then lost sight.

What the hell?

I loves working in Tredegar.....perhaps the idiots concerned know the new celebrities of "The Valleys?........

What? No dog poo?

Having just returned from a lovely long weekend in Barcelona, I have to mention, other than the rate sighting of the sun which I have not seen since 1976, that during my stay in the beautiful gothic quarter of the city, I sighted absolutely NO dog mess on the city streets for the entire time spent there.

Now this I find unbelievable, given the high number of dogs that I saw being walked (on leads) around the city and it also makes it one of the most parent friendly destinations in the world but I am at a loss of how they manage to ensure that no dog mess is left presented for the unwary sole of a flip-flop?

I have a few ideas:
• All Barcelonian (or Catalonian) dwellers take pride in their beautiful city and know that it is totally unacceptable to allow their dogs to leave mess on the pavement.
• City dwellers inform on those who are guilty of breach of the above and lock them up in one of Gaudi’s purpose built chimneys – many of which are dotted around the city
• The municipal vans that squirt water over virtually all stone walls at high pressure each night, have aimed at offending animals and washed them away….along with their owners who are micro-chipped.

I know I have a major hang up on the issue of dog mess (see my letter to the local newspaper back in the March posts) but it really was delightful to be able to skip around the city, confident that it was unlikely to step into mess.

For a city of its size and street layout complexity, I am now totally at a loss as to why Crickhowell or any place in the UK are unable to keep their pavements clean…….

Stoat sighting!

Following a hideous day at work, where each hour felt like a week watching paint dry, I felt the need to get out into the open country as soon as food was placed on the table for the children.

I headed up towards the Darren Mountain and did a semi-jog past Gwern Vale Farm, heading upwards towards the Twyn and then onwards towards the old village settlement.

As I nimbly danced up the mountain (I am allowed to exaggerate) suddenly, up between the path that runs between two stone walls, I glimpsed a really long tail, then saw a stoat dancing about in the grass and furrowing amongst the wall.

At first I thought I had seen some sort of mutant squirrel but the tail was quite long, (not the filament fluff of the usual squirrel) and then I caught sight of a flash of white throat as it dashed between the walls and then disappeared.    A great way to end the day and well worth the nettle stings I endured as I picked my way back down towards the table mountain!

Lemon "Drizzle" Cake

In an attempt to ward off an overwhelming desire to jump off a cliff due to the usual bank holiday torrential rain, I instead reached for a tray-bake tin and created a Lemon Drizzle cake with #2. 

#2 enjoyed using the electric whisk for this recipe which is a Mary Berry special, as I am avidly watching the Great British Bake Off series again.

Other than the odd piece of egg-shell which was lovingly crushed into the bowl, the cake turned out really fluffy, moist and the sugar coated lemon juice mix which was tipped over the top, was also licked off the work surface and pronounced “Mum….this is Yum!”

You always know when a cake is good, when silence (other than the sound of what sounds like cows chewing cud) reverberates around the table.

Mummy - Who is in charge of the world?

This was one of those questions asked by #2 at about 0715, before I headed off to work towards the end of this week and to be honest, I had to stop imbibing my coffee to consider my response.

#2 took my pause as an opportunity to provide her own thoughts on the matter and came up with two options for me.

1. Is it the Weatherman?
2. Or God?

We have been berating the weather forecasters recently which #2 has decided are now very naughty as they are spoiling our summer holidays with consistent rain showers.

As for God - I can only think that my cunning plan to send both #1 & #2 to the first week of "Champions Club" ( a 2hr session run by the local church to help beleaguered parents, and my nearest and dearest with the first week of holiday activities, has obviously worked in the favour of the church.       

Anyway, I asked #2 if she has seen God yet, to which she naturally answered No, so we then settled that the Weather people are probably in charge of the world, as they tell people what to wear to go outside.  

I even remember to pick up my umbrella on the way out to work a few minutes later :)

Olympics 2012 - Day 4

We came, we saw and we enjoyed Day 4 of Olympic action this week in the Olympic park.

The joy of the Megabus took us straight from Newport to Victoria and was well worth the £30 return for the two of us.....what a bargain!!   Saved the hassle of driving, the cost of diesel and we could also nose into the lives of the rich and ridiculously affluent as we coursed through London through Kensington on the double decker.

We had tickets for the early morning Hockey Morning session between Japan V Netherlands and later, South Africa v New Zealand and enjoyed watching the games.  Thoroughly enjoyed taking in the atmosphere in the Olympic Park which was really friendly.....(at one point I did wonder whether we had been transported to another city) and can honestly say that the day is certainly one that will cherish and say...."I went to support it!"

50 Shades of Boredom

Yes - I know I am amongst the minority here but dear God - what a tedious read.

I am nearly through Book 2  but its proving hard....(darn the pun which has raised its head (oops!) again).

If you like these 50 words - you will probably enjoy the book....


Lip           Hot                    Dark             Submissive        Dominant
Bite          Whip                   Red              Room                Spank
Grey         Christian             Ana               Baby                Laters
Foil           Subconscious     Spreaders       Audi                Tousled
Touch Copper              Food Fuck                Orgasm
Jeans Fingers              Taylor Pain                 Packet
Shades Control              Steele Seattle              Virgin? (C'mon!)
Inner         Goddess              Piano            Childhood         Love (?!)
Sex           White                  Shirt             Sculptured Blush
Chest         Rolling                 Eyes             Repetition         Repetition

In the words of the new to sex but strangely expert Ana.........   "Oh My!"

I wonder if the popular Baby Names will change over the next 9-18 months?

Preparing for the Star Wars Party

#2 has requested a Star Wars party this year and I have attached the following pics of my attempts to stay within the force!

Brilliant ideas from friends in Cardiff who had arranged the best 5th Birthday party ever which was Star Wars Themed and set the standard!   Used Google for images of cakes and took it from there......

Q-Bots and what Big Society?

We recently returned from a fantastic weekend away at Legoland in Windsor to celebrate the birthdays of #1 & #2 and had managed to find what I felt was a good all inclusive deal which I booked back in February.

I had heard all about the Q-Bot system which in essence is an additional cost you pay to decide what level of queuing hell you want to experience along with other families, Rainbow, Beaver, Brownie, Cubs groups etc etc.

I felt I had already spent enough on the forthcoming weekend and and hence did not take the option of purchasing a Q-Bot which has an additional layering of system of " how to spend your hard-earned money".  Here are the definitions provided by the wondrous Wikipedia:


Q-Bot
The regular Q-Bot has been available since the system’s induction in 2008 and is representative of the queue times, therefore if a guest books a ride, they will wait the same amount of time as the actual queue at the ride, but they will not be required to stand there. This means that they can do something else with their time whilst not in that queue line, such as have lunch or physically queue for another ride. If they are late to the time shown on their Q-Bot, their place is not lost, and they can go back to the ride when they are free.  Extra £15 per person.


Q-Bot Express
The Q-Bot Express takes the queue time for each of the rides available on the Q-Bot device, and reduces them by 75%. Therefore, anyone who purchases the Q-Bot Express can get on more rides during the day. Extra £40 per person.


Ultimate Q-Bot
The Ultimate Q-Bot reduces the holder’s queue time by 95%, making the time between booking the ride and being able to ride virtually instantaneous. This means that the holder can get on significantly more rides during the day. Extra £70 per person.


We were on reflection, rather lucky on the queuing front as we had a two-day pass (which I would totally recommend as otherwise you could go quietly insane from spending time on your feet, shuffling like evacuees) but I had very mixed feelings about this whole system.  I rather suspect that being so close to Windsor that Legoland have seen its chance to sell what it feels to be like Royalty by encouraging those that can afford it, to flash their cash and swan past the poor "Commoners" who bless their little "soles" have to wait their turn.

As my husband pointed out to a lady behind us in the lengthy queue to the Viking River Splash, who was rather agitated that after our 20 min wait and nearing our time to board the ride, we were politely swatted back to allow a family of 3 to board in front of us with their special Q-Bot Fob..........Welcome to the Big Society.

Birthday Cake updates

I have been meaning to put the second cake I created for #1 for general viewing back at the end of May but as my previous reference to BT relates....one is rather limited on uploading capabilities when one has no bleedin internet for 3 weeks.  Rant over....move on.

So #1 is currently learning to play the piano so here is the cake of his choice for this years party.

In addition, #2 had her birthday recently and I was pushed for time for the first party, hence a very easy and lazy sponge cake adorned with fruit.   I have promised to do a Star Wars Light Sabre cake for this weekends party so that one will follow (pending success!)   Anyway - here is the fruit sponge effort.

Overtaken by a mobility scooter!

There are no bounds to the sights I see in Blaenau Gwent and this is one such occasion that took place a few weeks ago.

Basically, I was heading into Tredegar during my lunch break and took the slower but more direct route into town, through Ashvale and over the long stretch of speed bumps which actually do little but cause people  to rev their engines hard for 5 seconds, then brake, the rev, then brake, then rev....you get the picture.

I had just gone over the first two bumps and was about to rev towards the next, when out of the corner of my left eye, I saw what could only be described as a blur of maroon career down the hill on my left, cut the junction out at the bottom and completely cut me up!  

Obviously I braked suddenly to stop as I did not want to run over the maniac driver within the highly protective plastic rain sheeting.

Also I was worried about how it would look on a potential insurance claim form.......stupid person trapped under my bonnet in an enlarged umbrella on wheels.

At first, after the initial shock of the go fast maroon blur, I then quickly understood why the person had risked their life to get in front of my car because as they proceeded to drive in a straight line down the road, cutting out all of the bumps, there was almost a palpable cloud of smugness enveloping the scooter that said "Ha - one of the benefits you lot in your big cars will never be able to achieve"

Finally BACK!!

Hi Folks - finally back after nearly 3 weeks of no internet access so bear with me whilst I stack up all my observations and little news items and post them out to you!

BT = Bloody Tools........and that's rather unfair on tools really, as most actually have a purpose...

Beaver Cake

A very quick post to evidence the latest birthday cake request for #1 which he will be sharing with his Beaver colony tomorrow night........where does the time go?!!

Nobbly Bobbly

Sorry everyone for not posting anything in a while....its been a manic month so far.

The camping experience last week was fantastic and despite being rained upon on the first night, being kicked off the double blow up bed by #1 & #2 and being jealous that the Man of the house was looking after #3 at my mums (he is allergic to grass!) - it was a great weekend of catching up.

Back to the post in hand.......I took the opportunity to walk to Bryn Bach Park during my brief lunch break earlier this week in order to savour the sunshine that is so happily being bestowed upon us.  It never ceases to amaze me how a few rays of sunshine bring out all manner of attire.....not least the "Pork Chop Tops".

This is a reference given by a dear friend which refers to particularly the female species, who appear to forget to wear suncream, appear to forget how to wear an appropriate top and instead view their criss-cross sun-burnt skin for all to see (including the SUN - again) so that the skin resembles a pork joint, tied with string and about to go in to the oven.    WE ALL KNOW THIS LOOK....and perhaps have been pained to experience it  ourselves but really - slap on the cream!

Right - the Nobbly Bobbly

I had decided to venture to the ice-cream freezer in the cafe on-site and re-acquainted myself with the joy of a Nobbly Bobbly which I was thoroughly enjoying whilst walking back towards work, when I became aware of a growing panting noise getting louder and louder behind me on the footpath.

I nearly lost the last bit of my Bobbly when a T-shirt-less young man, wearing insanely short running briefs (the awful polyester ones that cling to EVERYHING), shot past me whilst screaming loudly at himself (his headphones were on so loud I could hear the backing vocals) "C'Mon, C'Mon - you can DO THIS , GO GO GO....."

It would appear that wonders in Blaenau Gwent never cease......perhaps the Olympics really have arrived early.

Concerned Camper.......

We are due this weekend to meet up with friends and "Camp Out" and I am quickly becoming obsessed with the weather forecast for the next 5 days......it is not looking good :(

Also not sure how the old festival tent is going to fare if it rains, as it has not been used since a pre-children trip to Glastonbury in 2000.  When we opened the tent out last weekend, it was rather mouldy, smelt like it had been born in mildew and looked rather dirty...strange, I'm sure we had cleaned and aired it?

Anyway, it has been in the washing machine (not sure that the label suggested it ) and it quickly took offence to the load and was "literally" foaming at the door.

In my defence, I was not the one who stuffed the tent in and I did say that it would only need a little detergent.

Will keep you posted on my continued weeks weather watching.....and lets all use positive thinking for the emergence of this.....

The Cuckoo

Ah - the joys of living in the country!

A short post following a little jaunt into town with #3 on the weekend.

Whilst babbling away with #3 about the complexity of eating a fresh bread stick without leaving what looks like a Bakers floor all over yourself, I pushed the pram towards a sight that I have only ever heard of but never actually seen.

#3 pointed at "The Bird" and we stopped to watch a spirited female blackbird feeding worms to what I can only describe as a much larger bird that looked nothing like her.    I know the old saying "Birds of a Feather flock together" but this young fledging was certainly from no Blackbird family tree.

It then dawned on me that I was watching how the Cuckoo species survive and left to feel slightly sorry and sad for the duped little blackbird who was clearly working overtime to feed what she thought was her young.

To end - another old cuckoo my father taught me whilst listening to its call.

The Cuckoo Sings in April

The Cuckoo sings in May

The Cuckoo lays eggs in other birds nests

And then she flies away

The Family BAKE OFF 2012

Sorry I have not posted anything so far in May but I am still trying to get my head around the fact that when we took books out of the local library yesterday, it will only be 4 weeks until they are due back in JUNE!

In typical Bank Holiday fashion, it has been raining.  Our annual family "Bake Off" which took place this weekend was a muffin competition and the standard of entry was high.  Banter levels are high and the stakes high....i.e - the LOSER has all year to be reminded about it.

The man of the house (who won the "Toffee" competition last year) decided to make White Chocolate and Lemon curd muffins.  He totally geeked out and used a syringe to squirt the curd into the cooling muffins.

#1 decided he wanted to be on the action and made Milk Choc Chip muffins (all I did was put the muffins in the oven and remove them after 20 mins) which was an outstanding effort given he is not yet 7! 

#2 was given the chance to enter but had about as much interest in the process as a lion in a vegan shop.

I decided to try some Marmalade and Poppy seed ones......I must be honest and say that they looked rank and  did not smell much better but I did make some orange butter cream and decorate them with icing sugar ready for the 5pm deadline.  I have posted the pic below but am rather embarrassed about the fact that :

1. They looked like speckled boobs with protruding nipples
2. They looked more like a cupcake than a muffin

The final judging took place by an independent panel of 3 (who had travelled from London for a weekend of sunshine in Wales) and the Muffin results were (in order of preference) as follows:

1. Blueberry/Raspberry - they were stunning.......have no picture as they were all eaten
2. Walnut and Banana
3. Marmalade & Orange (I could not believe I made the top 3!!)
4. White Chocolate and Lemon Curd
5. Beetroot & Ginger (Personally my favourite and like mini gingerbreads.....will be making soon!)
6. Peanut and Banana
7. Milk Choc Chip
8. Winberry (Blueberry)  (Made by the professional no less)  Better luck next year Mum!

Prometheus Movie - You going?

I watched the trailer for the new Ridley Scott film last night, which was cleverly put on to cover the ad-break during Homelands (I will post about this after I have watched and consumed Damien Lewis a little more) and given that I am still not totally over watching Alien, Aliens and Alien Resurrection (despite watching them many times),  I really cannot decide whether I want to "poop" myself in public and actually go to see this movie with other strangers who may do the same thing.......

The danger is that the film is hyped up to be the next big thing and does not live up to the expectation of Alien. Watch and wait I guess....here is the trailer for Prometheus

Herman The German Friendship Cake

I don't know if anyone else has ever done this recipe but it was given to me by my neighbour and we all became rather attached to Herman the cake who patiently bubbled away on our kitchen worktop for 10 days!


Here is the final picture of our "Herman" 

The children really enjoyed helping to feed Herman and the delight of watching the bubble mix grow and expand would have made even Peppa Pig jealous.


As you can see - we did not manage to kill him during the 10 days process but confess that he tasted so good, that he has now passed into the "tummy" life of our household.


I did not know much about this mixture but a quick Google search has shown that Herman is hitting the headlines and even made an appearance on Woman's Hour!.


Here is the recipe and Herman's own webpage for those who want to get involved.

http://www.hermanthegermanfriendshipcake.com/

Three Little Piggies

When its piggling down with rain on a weekend, what better than to get the cookie cutters out and create some shapes to decorate.

Whilst I find the actual baking bit relaxing, I must admit that the time spent decorating the creations fluctuates between enjoyment and semi-mental breakdown which is usually brought about by #1 & #2 persistently arguing over who is going to get the most licks of the icing bowl once finished.  

This weekend was a first attempt at using the flooding method to ice onto biscuits and overall quite happy with the results!  They might not be the most professional but taste good and cost a fraction of what you pay in the shops.

With butterflies attempted too, lunchbox treats are well and truly sorted for the week ahead.

Chamomile Tea

I have taken the recent decision to try and reduce the amount of tea and coffee I am imbibing in order to cope with the stress of an incredibly slow desk job and have turned to the relaxing properties of Chamomile.

I am hoping that this will reduce the uncomfortable bloated stomach feeling that creeps upon me over the day, which is made worse by the fact that I cannot relive myself and use the shared toilet for “pooping” on company time because the toilet is only capable of flushing 1 sheet of paper away at a time.

There is nothing worse that that awful red faced reaction that instantly flushes over you (pun intended ) when your creation has refused to disappear.   You are immediately faced with having to repeatedly flush the toilet……praying “please let it be this time” that the little log will disappear.  

You will turn to methods like “wrapping” your little friend by throwing more toilet paper in the bowl so that the slippery bowl will have something to clutch onto when you again press down hard on the flush.    One of two things will generally happen next....

• The little friend will finally flush away and you will leave the cubicle to smile innocently to the person waiting who knows exactly what you have been up to.
• The little shit (literally) will wave back at you so that you are forced again to hide it under a new layer of tissue and then leave the toilet to somebody waiting who knows exactly what you have been up to. (Or alternatively you can attempt the above steps and undertake “wrapping” again.

 Anyway – I digress…..

So upon being offered a cuppa, I delve into my personal stash of Chamomile tea and am instantly rebuked for being “Posh. 

The sad thing is that I can live with that accolade but given the above dilemma, I readily admit to being "Too Posh to Push" during work........

Iced Fancies

I have recently attempted to create some Fondant fancies but there is some way to go yet...not least to try and make the sponges a little smaller as they were hardly dainty!

Also need to get my finer piping icing skills better honed .....I will be calling upon my mother rather soon for tuition I think.

Still - the children enjoyed them and it was therapeutic to a degree....the DVD and some Star Wars re-enactment was taking place at the same time which did require a certain level of attention.

Fart

This is a very short posting as it was a very short and precise moment I must report on.

Whilst bathing #2 last night, I became aware of a new fragrance in the steamed air and asked politely whether she had farted.

"Yes" she replied.

"That really stinks #2"

"Mummy - all farts stink"

Carrot Cake

To start the beginning of my Easter weekend holiday, I felt compelled to do a little baking and tried a new carrot cake recipe.   I'm not sure that I will use this recipe again as it was such a faff to create...separating the eggs, then whisking the egg whites was a little over the top I felt.  Also, the cake baked rather a "deep caramel" colour which I do not think really looks that appetising although in fairness, the cake was very moist and tasty.

I did have fun making the marzipan carrots though.

This recipe came from the My Cake Decorating magazine which is available off the shelf and does seem to provide good ideas to spruce up the odd afternoon bake session.

Darth Scary....

I'm not going to comment on this one too much but I can honestly say that #2 has lived up to the anagram of her name on this one.

There is also an alarming high forehead which looks similar to that spoof film - Mars Attacks.......

Hair today - more hair tomorrow

I hate hair growth but suspect that I am not alone in this feeling (Unless of course I start to go bald).

I thought a Pamper session would mean peace and serenity but in actual fact, when hair makes an appearance in unwanted places….pamper actually equates to pain because special tools such as “tweezers”, “wax strips” and “fingernails” come out to play.

I have in the past tormented my delicate leg and bikini areas with THE WAX treatment but have until last night avoided using THE WAX above my lip (the one on my face).

I remember now why I have avoided THE WAX for such a long time - IT BLOODY HURTS.
Its only saving grace is that the pain does not last quite as long as childbirth.

Its also nothing like this, where clearly the "leg" has no actual hairs and in fact is just enjoying its own little "pamper session"

and more enjoyably this........as if MEN could EVER give birth!

Star Wars

We are preparing for a party away this weekend and #2 is especially excited about the prospect of legitimately dressing up in a Star Wars costume.

Prior to the clocks going forward this weekend, we were woken up a few days ago at 5.30am to the "force" of a green light sabre stealthily drifting past our bedroom door, followed by the theme tune of Star Wars being sung like a pesky drone from the bathroom.....it was a great time to have a poo apparently.

I'll be honest and say that my mental state at the time resembled that of The Rancor below.

The problem has been "what to wear" as she is officially now a TOM BOY and cannot possibly entertain the idea of being Princess Leia, even if she could ride one of the Forest Moon of Endor Speeders.  

She settled upon wanting to be Boba Fett but as the days are getting closer, I am an evil Dark Force that  does not have the creativity to make the Boba Fett helmet and I am too tight and refuse to pay over £25 for one on Amazon.  We have since moved from Luke Skywalker, to Obi Wan Kenobi, to Anakin Skywalker and even the Emperor.

#2 has now decided that she can go as "Darth Vadress", but I have to tie her hair back though because otherwise people "will know I am a Tom Boy".  So a quick trip to Asda tomorrow and "Boba's" your uncle - she will be sorted!

I am certainly looking forward to watching two of my dear friends, contain 30+  "Galaxy explorers" aged 4-5, who will be on a Space Sugar high and enjoying the spoils of their Jedi Training......

The "Crazy" cupcake

In my desperate boredom during the hours of "paid employment" (and I do feel guilty about this) I have been catching up on news from around the region whilst pretending to be busy, tip tap, tapping on my keyboard.

The following article did make me smile as it reports the reaction of a woman in Cardiff who apparently went mental following the realisation that her favourite cupcake had been sold out........

Great publicity for the Sugarswirlz Cup Cakery in Cardiff but is does make you wonder whether the nations predilection for sugary treats is becoming an addiction with serious consequences when the "sugar high" starts to make you feel low.

Enjoy the article below...preferably with a big hunk of frosted sponge.

Cardiff Fairy Cake Shop attack

Grand Slam Wales!

In celebration of our Welsh Rugby team winning their 3rd Grand Slam since 2005 and to ease the boredom of a very boring 30 minute lunch-break today, I put pen to paper and hope you enjoy this little ditty.

Grand Slam

Wham Bam

Good work boys

Well done Sam

Hoof

Boof

Then run loose

Bet the French

Wish they had closed the roof

Watching on the sofa

Seeing someone’s Nan

Heart rate racing, commentary grating

Dan Lydiate’s our man

Scrum time now

In the short green grass

“Pause….., Touch, Engage”

Lets view some arse

Priestland,  George,  Faletau

Halfpenny, Hook

We love you

For the rest who made the squad

And kept your bods so dandy

Those chiselled chops and muscle rocks

Didn’t ‘arf make some of us randy

Thanks for the party

For Cuthbert the try

Gatland for not smiling

Now we know why

Focus is key

Oz land is next

Rugby for ever

The Welsh team is best.

Frog went a courtin' and he did ride, uh-huh

This post is dedicated to the huge and quite frankly, quite hideous frog gang bang that recently took place in our garden pond.

Over the course of a 48hr period, we were kept awake at night by the grunting and gentle splish splash of  "frog sex" and in the morning, were left to view the carnage of convergent copulation by huge swathes of frog spawn.

Some spawn has fallen victim to the "pond-dipping net" which #1 was using to fling "the jelly" at #2, but on the whole, it has to be noted that we are not going to have a shortage of young froglets in the near future.

I have "put my foot down" (not literally) on allowing the frog spawn in the house but we are daily checking on progress and will update accordingly.  

Strawberry Cake Time

Yes - I know what you are thinking....this whole sponge cake thing is going a bit far but I was in a desperate rush to whip up a quick cake for friends who came to visit on the weekend and when one only has 30mins before #1's piano lesson, what better way to listen the the practice notes of "Jelly on a Plate" (played ultra carefully by a right hand) whilst quickly beating the cake mixture to creamy loveliness in the kitchen......a great stress reliever too!!

Lemon Cake Time

Ahhh - the joys of a real cream cake.

I would like to say that I actually made the Lemon Curd as well but I would be lying and instead used a Waitrose special.

The versatility of a classic Victorian Sponge cake should not be underestimated when it comes to easy peasy desserts.

Putting my foot in it?

I have finally made the big time and recently had the following rant published in the local newspaper......

"Having recently moved back to Crickhowell, I have become increasingly saddened and consumed by a daily paranoia that occurs when taking my children anywhere within a two metre distance of our driveway.  Does anyone suffer it?  It’s called “Watch out for dog mess!!”.

How can such a beautiful town allow itself to fall foul to four legged beasts that like ghosts, appear to descend upon our pavements on virtually every route into town and leave excrement that not only creates mayhem for all who step through it, but increases the risk of hydatid disease. I suggest you look it up on http://www.hpa.org.uk/ as I don’t want to spoil your reading pleasure whilst chomping down on coffee and cake but in essence, it’s a condition which can and does kill humans and current evidence suggests that the main areas for hydatid disease in Wales are Powys, Monmouthshire and farms on the southern slopes of the Brecon Beacons and the Black Mountains.   Oh – that will be this area then?

I am not a dog owner  but given the high availability of rubber gloves, plastic bags (recyclable of course) and a little scoops that are available in buildings called “shops”,  is it really that difficult for dog owners to clean up after their little (or big) pooch? 

I suspect many a dog owner will read this and think that “this does not relate to me because I clear up after mine” and it’s a shame to tar you all with the same sticky scoop but clearly there are some rogue rotties out there who clearly do not give a “poop”.

Why should I berate my young children for getting mess on their shoes when it’s not their fault?  Why should I have to go through the horror of the “retch” when cleaning infected shoes? Why should I have to wear wellies to walk along a public footpath which has turned into a criss-cross intersection of mutty motorway mess?  And by the way,  just because it’s a “footpath in the country” and “no longer a pavement “does not mean you don’t have to clear the mess up either….. it would appear that some dog owners have forgotten this small and sometime large point (please excuse the pun)."

Raising a tail for health and mental happiness.

Mrs “ Non” de Poop  


I decided not to use my real name for fear of having to sign autographs.....

Its been a while I know....

There is no excuse really for not posting anything up over the last week or so except to say that I have been quite busy literally doing nothing. (and YES - I do mean literally).  The new job has shown me that levels of boredom can reach epic proportions of quick snap depression and the sad fact is that unless I do something about it soon, I could fall into an abyss of really not wanting to bother doing anything!  (Something my new work colleagues have already warned me about and appear to be already suffering from).

A quick synopsis of my "new" working day (all 444 minutes of it).

• Arrive and complete timesheet
• Make tea
• Do some photocopying
• Listen to anecdotes of what valley individuals can occasionally get up to
• Lunch
• Play with Excel and create a mail-merge ( whoo hooo - I suggested that I create a letter)
• Listen to more anecdotes
• Make tea
• Complete timesheet
• Go home

Ahhh - my parents must be so proud that three years of university really showed me how I could contribute to society.  

Its a manic rush in the morning to get #1 & #2 ready for school, make their lunchboxes, prepare #3's nursery bag and (in between the nappy change) spoon-feed her porridge but this morning I discovered that I could go to the toilet and nurse #3 on my lap whilst also brushing her teeth....a saving of at least 2 mins before getting everyone out of the house by 0815. 

God - this post is boring isn't it? 

 

I have gone mad....

With reference to my last post - this is currently the winner of " how not to use initiative".

Two men are referred to a job that involved taking a water storage container apart.
When after 4 hours had passed and they were due back at base, someone was sent out to investigate their whereabouts.

Upon arrival at the location of the water storage unit, the men were found leaning against the water unit, clutching plastic beakers and looking rather bloated.  (You can see where I am going?)

It was put to them that they had been "some time" when the younger one quickly ran off to relieve himself and the other (in charge) lamented that it was taking them longer than anticipated to empty the unit.   (The size of a domestic household oil tank)

The supervisor just calmly took off the top of the container and tipped the water away.

I kid you not.........

I might just go mad

Since being successful at a recent interview and accepting the job, there has been a persistent and slight gnawing suspicion that I might struggle with a complete culture shock when returning to the "office environment".

The team is very friendly and the quick wit of the Welsh in on tap throughout the day, along with the ability to talk incessantly about inane banter for precisely 444 minutes a working day.

Today however, whilst talking about what some "business" tenants will complain about and expect an immediate response to, my jaw dropped at around the same time as my first line of defence to mental sanity.  Here are three of the best:

• Can you come and sort out the toilet seat - it moves when I sit on it and there is a screw on the floor
• There is a spiders web in one of the back windows
• What shall I do about the daisies growing outside

Initiative it would seem, is rather selective..........

Ahhh - Real Music!

I am in music heaven and had forgotten what it is like to be able to put a set of headphones on and lose yourself in sound that I am in control of selecting and listening to without screams of anguish from #1 & #2 in the back of the car.

Their usual selection is as follows:

• Walt Disney Themes - only certain selections from Lion King, Hi Ho (Snow White) and Beauty and the Beast allowed.
• Abba Gold - EVERY SINGLE ONE
• Fleetwood Mac Greatest Hits (#1 adores The Chain)
• Green Day - American Idiot (#2 adores but we had to remove from sight since skipping over the swear words became too much of a parental responsibility when moving at high speeds in the car)
• Times Tables (sheer pain for myself)
• Animal Jungle Songs - say no more

Due to an evening of absolutely NOTHING on the television worth wasting my sight on, I have retreated to the computer and reclaimed the use of my ears for pure enjoyment of blocking out the real world with a lovely new pair of headphones (the last lovely pair had an unfortunate accident with the hoover a few weeks ago and floated off to headphone heaven unnoticed by me as I was trying to unravel them from the hoover's innards) and submerging myself into a magical world of me, myself and I.

Tonight I have really enjoyed listening to The Black Keys on Spotify and could not place my finger on why I enjoyed listening so much to their Brothers album.  A quick email to a very knowledgeable individual who works in the Music Business pointed out that the lead singer of The BK is Dan Auerbach whose album "Keep it Hid" I was given to by another very knowledgeable individual who knew instinctively that I would love it.  

Singing in the Rain

Went to see Singing in the Rain on the weekend at the Palace Theatre in London and felt it worthy of a posting - not least as we actually had "A Weekend away from the CHILDREN!"

The show itself was very entertaining and the biggest pull was definitely the real "rain" scene.

Those sitting on the front seats were treated to regular showers of rain when the "Singing in the Rain" took place near them and resulted in anticipated howls of "mock shock" which then reverberated around the theatre and added real excitement to the set.

The singing was not the strongest feature of the production I felt but I loved the set dance pieces and the way in which the nearest and dearest's favourite film has been reproduced for a theatre audience.  

Well worth a watch if you are a Gene Kelly fan and especially so in the front seats!

Here is the show trailer which is pretty much spot on given what we saw.

Spider Fright

Yes all - this friendly little chap tried to take refuge in my cleavage last Thursday night and due to a weekend away, I have only now felt up to re-living the moment when I discovered "it" trying to ease itself into my warm pillows.

At first I thought it was a rogue hair that had floated away from my scalp in the way that hairs sometimes do, and bother you with that little "tickle" but after a few little "tickles" and a curious feeling of something not quite right, I looked down to see this ridiculously large house-spider literally on my chest.

Now I am not that bothered by spiders normally but I must admit on this occasion to uttering an expletive rhyming with duck and then dancing like a fool in the living room (thankfully I was on my own) in order to jiggle the offending arachnid off.  It took ages as the front claw (as pictured above) was tenderly embedded in my duck down gillet.

I can confirm that I DID NOT KILL IT and it now lives outside in the outside utility area.   

The nearest and dearest would probably have fainted if the incident had happened to him and he is now in the process of planning to block up the hole where we think the rest of them remain........

One last coincidence is that this article was quite popular on the net the day before my experience took place. Males be warned.....

Sex "in" the Spider

Icy Tool

Again, a very quick post as my hands are going blue due to there being no heating in this study.  

On the theme of "freezing", I just had to share a recent picture I took when taking #1 & #2 up the Table Mountain a few days ago.   We started out with seeing how far we would walk up the mountain but both were in fine form when it quickly became apparent that I could bribe them to the top with the promise of "playing on the computer and the DS after lunch".  

#1 pointed out that after all the exercise, it was only fair to then sit in front of a screen and play Worms or Star Wars, whilst #2 was more interested in the promise of a hot chocolate and one of those Chocolate Fudge cakes at the top. (see recent post for pic).

Anyhow, whilst on our way up, I noticed a wide variety of ice formations but the one pictured really does win hands down (please excuse dirty pun).

The Apricot and Almond Loaf

A very quick posting of the above delight which did not last 5 mins.....must taste good then.  Also from The Great British Bake Off: How to Bake book.

My biggest tip would be to make sure that you use generous chunks of chopped marzipan in the mix along with  tidy chompings of moist (I just love this word and had to get it in - PWAR) apricot.

Baking Day

As it has been cold enough for a glass eye today, I took the sensible option of spending the afternoon in the kitchen and trying out some new recipes from the latest Great British Bake Off: How to Bake: The Perfect Victoria Sponge and Other Baking Secrets.

After a quick jaunt into town to christen my snow boots, collect some necessary ingredients and accompany #2 who was armed with two sandcastle buckets for "collecting things" - we managed to get back in amongst the squally snow showers with the items to create some Chocolate Fudge Cakes and an Apricot and Marzipan Fruit cake.

The Chocolate Fudge Cakes were easy peasy to make and all I really had to do was bung it all into the food processor.  They went down a treat for "pudding" after dinner and here is what they look like.

Very much like a brownie to be honest but with a little more sponge like texture towards the bottom of the slice.  A good recipe for children to do as the measuring out of all the ingredients beforehand is key to the speed and ease of getting this one into the oven!

Letters in bath update.......

A brief post and with good reason.

Last night whilst helping #1 & #2 wash away the days dust and grime, the letters were again being put to good use.  On this occasion however, they were creating proper words as part of #1 testing what #2 had learnt from their Read Write Inc sessions in school.

After hoisting #2 out of the bath and helping pat away the "cold drips", she suddenly starting to repeat the letter "o" over and over again.   I thought perhaps she meant "oh"  meaning that it indeed was cold but when I glanced over to #1, my mental fog consisting largely of post school and early evening tea madness became quickly focused upon the cause of sudden merriment.

#1 had taken the liberty of selecting the foam letter "o" and had (like a true male) placed it with perfection over the spectacle of his young manhood and was showing it off it with some considerable pride.

I suddenly wanted to scream out "Oh" following quickly by "No!" but instead turned #2 away and asked him to remove the letter whilst trying hard not to combust with refrained laughter.   I felt that laughing out loud at the letter "o" might bruise his pride and give him an early complex and I did not feel ready to enter into a conversation about how the male appendage is generally something to be laughed at.

Finally, I did not want to linger over the event in case the letter "o" during the next Read Write Inc session, is something I am suddenly called into school to explain.


Note to self - I must go out and purchase new bath toys.......

Application Forms

Just how many types of application forms can there be?   I am fast feeling like a conveyor belt when it comes to filling out application forms for jobs, to the point where I think I need to set up a spreadsheet just to manage the diary of each one and its eventual outcome.  

Typically in these austere times, I either receive either No response at all or the more usual "We have received a high number of applications and on this occasion you were unsuccessful in making the short-list" which basically means, "Your application form did not stand out and the hours you spent trying to re-word  how good you are at communicating was frankly not good enough."  

Not communicate effectively?  

• You should see how I can communicate with #3 during nappy change time.
• You should see how I react and manage the anger issues of #2. (Actually, lets not focus on that...)
• You should see my negotiating skills with #1 over reading. (Four pages = DS use)

Clearly I am going to have to change my strategy when it comes to these forms and think more positively about "already doing the job" when for the 100th time I type in my work experience to date.   

I keep meaning to read "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne but every time I try, the bathroom door is usually flung open and I am called upon to deal with some small crisis.  

There are loads of websites out there which provide advice on how to complete an application form effectively, for example How to complete an Application form but when I try to access them, for some reason I keep getting Facebook......

Letters in the Bath

Its been a busy weekend of parties, meeting up with old friends and attempting to make new ones but the simple truth is that at 4pm on a Sunday afternoon, following a lovely Sunday roast, a vodka Martini and a mellow glass of claret, I am not at my socially "best" to instigate relatively interesting conversation with a complete stranger.

I decided to share a bath with #'s 1-3 this evening and the foam bath letters were being used to make the usual words...."Poo, Bum, Poo, Wee and Poo" whilst I looked upon lovingly, marvelling at the sheer brilliance of their vocabulary.

You must be wondering, who as their parents, is responsible for such educational direction but the following will swiftly answer your thoughts......

The nearest and dearest stuck his head around the door, smirked and then walked across to help the English lesson by placing two "T's" on each of my "boobies" and then finished the crossword with the inevitable vowel (in pink no less).

Spell that he intoned........

The Bidet

I never really understood the hype about the humble bidet until I met my husband and discovered that his parents had always installed one in their bathroom.   To me, it was just something that Crocodile Dundee placed his foot into whilst staying at that posh hotel in New York and took a little while to figure out what it was for.


And this is the thing.....to my children, the bidet is more commonly associated with washing stinky feet and more recently, washing Stinky Barbie's hair (Barbie is always referred to as "stinky" Barbie in our house as it was my husbands attempt to try and divert attention from the plastic boobs and her impossibly small waist that #2 will probably think is normal in a few years time).  We failed the battle on this one however, purchased one on E-bay and Stinky Barbie is now occasionally placed in the bidet on occasions which I feel is quite fitting.


So - I want to know how many people actively think to place a bidet in their bathroom and more importantly, does anyone actually use it to wash their nether regions?   Having quickly looked at good old Wikipedia, the "Bidet is a French word for pony (and in Old French, bider meant to trot). This etymology comes from the notion that one rides a bidet much like a pony is ridden. In addition, the bidet is also referred to as the "garden hose."  


The "trots" to us Brits however is also a euphemism for the "shits" and running to the toilet looking like a pony is highly likely when trying to clench your arse cheeks together to stop any offending poop from touching cloth.  But actually riding the Bidet like a pony?   My god - this sounds rather sexual to me and also a little bit "specialist"?


This following except also made me smile, "The sprayer-type bidets are sold to Muslims as "shataf," which permit the user to comply with Islamic laws about using the toilet and the cultural preference of using water instead of paper".  Shataf?......oh I never knew that the Bidet offered so much in the way of mirth for my rather odd sense of humour.


Anyway, this could get a bit out of hand  (oops - did it again) and despite the general non-use of the ceramic basin in our bathroom, I must admit that over the last few days, it has been my knight in shining armour as #2 has been in dire straits with the distress that is childhood constipation and we have been merrily "trotting" to the bidet to "clean" up.   


I will leave you with this image of riding the pony .....the tap also appears to be used to "floss" too.


ps - THIS IS NOT ME!!

The Bike is Back.

To be honest, I really should have strapped on my trainers and attempted a little run but since moving back, I have been deliberately trying to ignore the sheer about of "darn" hills that occur in every direction from the house - hence, I decided to mount the saddle and cheat my way up the hills through the use of leg power and gears.  

The first bit was great, flying down a mega stretch of main road, then on past The Bear Hotel whilst sounding like an army truck with my trusty old chunky tyres back on the rims.  I then hummed through town and onto the first upward stretch into the heavens towards Llangenny, where upon hearing the highly irritating grind of gears not sliding onto the smallest cog of the front derailleur, I realised I was stuck with limited means of easing up the hill.

Determined however to blast off the pesky Christmas calories, I pretended to be Lance Armstrong (depends on whether you believe the stories of doping or not!) and bobbed my way to the top and upon reaching it, took in some beautiful views of Llangattock and Herons Rest Marina.

I turned off onto a path and hit my first bit of dirt, mud and water and felt ridiculously overjoyed to be reliving my youth and pretending to be a first class mountain biker.  I sought my lines, swerved and curved through the stony bits and allowed my wheels to seek every conceivable amount of mud I could find.

Then.....braking hard and pulling up into the hedge -  had to stop for a rider on a horse and immediately felt like a child who has felt the loss of having their last sweet stolen!

I know that there will be some who feel that bikes should only be allowed on designated bike tracks but my response to that, is this......I only brake when needed, leave minimal indentation in the path compared to huge clomping hooves and what's more - I do not crap and leave the fresh remnants in the path for other users of said path to enjoy riding through.
That said, horse poop is far more forgiving to ones senses than the worst four-legged beast in the world......the domestic DOG.   I have a whole post I could write about THAT!

Anyway - here are some shots of my short jaunt out and the evidence of the mud I found.